10 Reasons Not To Blindly Trust Your Teacher | Tips For Private Music Students
Alarmist? Pessimistic? I don’t think so. Teachers, before you come for me, scroll down to see reasons 5 and 9.
Private music instruction can get fuzzy on boundaries. As a student, it’s easy to fall into the mindset that you have to heed every piece of advice or meet every demand made by your teacher. And not all teachers are the quickest to identify and interrupt this mindset. Many teachers see student behavior like this as positive because frankly an obedient student makes the teacher’s short-term job easier. In the long run though, it doesn’t do students any favors. In fact, it can hinder the student’s development of self-trust and self-direction, leading to low levels of confidence, high levels of anxiety, and even higher levels of quitting. It can also make students more susceptible to abusive student/teacher relationships down the line. Now I’m not saying that this is always done consciously by teachers, much of the time this is done unconsciously partly because these dynamics are so normalized in the realms of both music and education. But students need to recognize that they can fall into these traps and it is part of the role of the teacher to foster students’ independence.
Students should clearly understand their role in the relationship between themselves and their teacher. Teachers really should want this clarity, too.
So the 10 reasons I have coming up are a lot of straight talk. If you (as student or teacher) find any of it uncomfortable or even offensive, then I strongly recommend you examine that for yourself. Could I be wrong or misguided? Certainly. Honestly, I feel that the majority of these are all pretty obvious.
Your Teacher doesn’t live in your body.
This one is pretty obvious, but I think it gets overlooked far too often. There is no way a teacher can know how you think, feel, sense, or move. They don’t truly know what your mind or body is capable of. It’s common for teachers to prescribe physical methods of playing. For me when I was younger, I had a teacher with a much different body type than me. He was tall, broad shouldered, and had very large hands. He would give me fingerings and bowings that just didn’t work for me. I tried my best to make them work, and felt that there was something wrong with me if I couldn’t. Blindly following your teacher’s physical recommendations can increase your risk of injury. In these situations, I tell students to give their teacher’s ideas a go, but if they don’t work for them, that’s okay. Teachers should help you foster your sense of self, and find solutions to your problems.
2. Your teacher hasn’t had your experiences.
Many teachers expect that their students can handle certain situations (like performances, juries, competitions, etc.) without any worry because they’re considered normal musical experiences. But this might not be the case for you. A good number of people struggle with stage fright, performance anxiety, and the like. Your life experiences are different. You might find that the situations that your teacher takes for granted as low pressure is in fact more difficult for you. The same can be said in reverse.
3. Your teacher’s tastes might not align with your own.
Despite what many teachers are willing to discuss, music is highly subjective. Performance style, tone quality, musical interpretations are all up for debate. What your teacher prefers might not align with what you like. That’s the way it should be. Musical tastes are as many and varied as people. Artistic freedom comes from exploring different options and opinions. Your teacher may have some helpful insight on industry standards and historical precedents, but at the end of the day your choices are your own. Do what you like.
4. Your teacher does NOT know everything.
Teachers are not omniscient. In fact, the best teachers are those who are still learning themselves. A teacher can have so much wisdom to offer, but they should know that they are limited.
5. Your teacher has their own hopes, dreams, priorities, and ambitions
Some teachers have chosen the profession of teaching because that is where their passions lie. Some teachers teach privately because it is a means of financial support. Most teachers lie somewhere in between these two ends. Every teacher has their own pursuits and goals. Some of those include their students and some of those do not. They are allowed, and don’t think that you are the only focus of their life. Expanding on that point, your teacher has other focuses in their life outside of music. That could be family priorities, other work, car trouble, or whatever. It’s not your business what, but know that it exists and that you’re not the center of their world. This is why it so critical that you hone your ability to direct your own learning.
6. Your teacher has different finances than you.
Many teachers will make recommendations to their students to purchase new instruments, attend festivals, or compete in competitions. All of these are expensive endeavors on top of what you may already be paying to be taking lessons. Your teacher may not truly understand the financial impact of their recommendations. Some of these things may be worth the money, but remember that you are the one who is taking on the burden of these things. Make sure to do your homework especially when it comes to buying an instrument. Make sure about resale value, appreciation, and so forth. Don’t just take your teacher’s word for it. Seriously consider what’s being recommended and do what’s best for you and your future.
7. Your teacher is likely in a different place in their life than you.
You might be in high school, starting college, in grad school, or maybe a lot younger. You may be trying to figure out how to do your laundry. You may or may not have kids of your own. Your teacher may or may not have kids. They may be about to retire and given up on laundry. If they’re much older than you, they may not remember what it’s like to be in your shoes and they certainly will come from a culturally and technologically different time.
8. Your teacher is NOT your parent.
Many teachers see themselves as parental figures, and a lot of students can easily slip into the parent/child dynamic with their teacher. There can be a lot of baggage that comes along with that. Our society has some really toxic views around discipline, obedience, and respect of children. Your teacher is not your parent, and shouldn’t be requiring obedience. And they certainly shouldn’t demand respect without respecting you.
9. Your teacher is human.
Your teacher makes mistakes. Admitting this should hopefully come as some relief to your teacher. If you’re expecting them to have all the answers, that puts an enormous amount of pressure on them. Sure… they may have a great deal of experience to draw from that you can respectfully listen to, but they can get things wrong just like everyone else.
10. They are NOT you.
If you couldn’t tell, this is really what I’m getting at. Your teacher is not you. You are a wonderfully unique person with your own strengths, weaknesses, and interests. And your teacher is a wonderfully unique person with their own strengths, weaknesses, and interests. Hopefully, you’ve chosen to study with your teacher because you respect their skills, experiences, and input, but even the best of friends disagree from time to time. That’s healthy. Where things get fuzzy and bordering on toxic is when the power dynamic gets skewed toward the teacher dominating the relationship. You should listen to your teacher, and take in what they recommend. You should also learn to listen to yourself and integrate what you feel fits your playing.
Parting Thoughts:
The point of private music lessons should be to help foster the student’s ability to create music. This can come in the form of helping them gain a better understanding of the physicality of playing their instrument; career guidance; music selection; and so forth. I’ll put my money where my words are: take my points above with a grain of salt. I don’t know everything. I have had a lot of experience as both a student and a teacher. My hope in this list is to get primarily students, but also the teachers that read this to start thinking and observing their own relationships. What’s working? Where are the power dynamics getting skewed? What can be better? Is the student honing their sense of self-confidence that can carry them into the future?
Let’s buck the old-school ways of teaching and find a new more connected way to develop better confidence and boundaries for everyone.
Got your own thoughts? Let me know on Facebook or Instagram!
Interested in more? Learn more about my upcoming group course: The Unpractice Experiment.